Letting go when it’s not working

Do you find yourself fighting all the time with your partner? Having different opinions on topics that matter to you? Not getting the attention you crave and deserve? Cheated on? Do you not communicate well with each other? Well, we could go on and on; but you get the gist. You know if your relationship is not working deep down inside there is no need to keep fighting. So how do you let it go so you can make room for the relationship you want? Ending a relationship can be incredibly difficult no matter how toxic it is. You will keep thinking of the time you have invested in it and all the sacrifices you have made for it to work.

If you find yourself feeling trapped in a relationship you know is not healthy, consider these tips for letting go of it for good:

1. Recognize the Problem

Recognizing the problems you are facing in your relationship will make you ask some certain questions and also take the necessary steps that are important. Take a good, hard, and objective look at your relationship and be honest with yourself.

Ask yourself these questions:

Is this relationship to my advantage?

Is this relationship negatively impacting other areas of my life?

Is this relationship detrimental to my self-esteem?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, consider ending it or talking to someone you trust will advice you on the right thing to do.

2. Create Separation

It can be hard to distance yourself from someone you are used to spending so much time with, but it is usually necessary if you want to move on from the relationship. This doesn’t mean you can’t maintain a friendship with your ex, but it’s usually best to allow some time for both parties to heal before you try to spend time together as friends.

3. Let Go of the Memories

It can be tempting to hang on to all the old relics of a past relationship. Doing so, however, may prevent you from moving on with your life. If you must keep the old love letters, the gifts and photos, its best you store them somewhere away from your reach until you are ready to move on.  

4. Focus on Empowering Yourself

Try your best to shift focus off the relationship and back to yourself. Consider trying new things or putting your energy into a hobby you have neglected. Empower yourself and tell yourself that you can do better without him or her in your life. Let go of what is hurting you so that you can give room doing things that will make you a happier and better person to yourself, the society and your loved ones.  

Work on your relationship with yourself, focus on cultivating self-love and respect. Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and that you deserve a healthy relationship.

5. Practice Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the key to happiness and also moving on. Release any feelings of guilt or regret you have surrounding the relationship. Forgive yourself and your former partner for anything that happened in the past because you can no longer change it. You can only move forward and learn from it. Let go of any resentment you have regarding the relationship because if you keep holding on to the grudges then you will only be hurting yourself. Look at your partner with compassion and empathy and understand that all humans are susceptible to mistakes and also all humans are not the same.

6. Live in the Present Moment

Life exists in the present moment. Choose to live in the present rather than getting lost in nostalgia. Often, people stay in a relationship that is no longer healthy because they are clinging to the past. They always have this notion that people will talk about them when they leave a relationship they have been in for a very long time. You just have to forget about people and live in the present for yourself and not for anyone.

7. Accept What Is

We must be able to accept things as they are if we want to move forward. Many people remain in relationships that are unhealthy hoping they can somehow change their partner. But what if the person is not will to change, you will keep hanging on and getting hurt. It is important to remember you cannot change anyone, especially if they have no willingness to change themselves. If the relationship isn’t working for you, then you have the choice to leave and move on because it is the only change you can make.

You only have one life to live, live it to the fullest and be happy. If something isn’t working well for you, make the change that you deserve and be happy. 

By Pupwaya Timothy Dibal