I Thought Marriage Was the Solution

When a person gets married, they do so because they think they are in love. But regret come up after the marriage, especially if the marriage is a devastating experience. If you are being told to get married at an early age, the best thing to do is to sit down and ponder on the issue. Ask yourself if you are mentally, physically and emotionally ready for the journey ahead.

Below is a sad story of a young lady who married at an early age of 21. Though a lot might say she is old enough, but she wasn't really ready for it. She thought getting married would be her solution but she was wrong. Below is her story:

I am 21 years old and I am married to a man I thought would make me happy. My parents died when I was 7. I am the first child of five girls. My parent’s relatives never bothered to take care of us. We were all brought up by our grandmother. She always told me to get married early so that I would be able to assist my younger ones. Since she was getting old, I had to think about what she said to get married soon to take care of my siblings. In 2015, I met the man I am married to. When we first met, he was caring and loving. He always bought clothes and things for my siblings and I, he was so perfect that I fell in love with him. As time went on, he fixed a date and paid my bride price. Before he did that, he told me that it was not his intention to get married to me yet, that he wanted to build his house in the village and make other investments before marriage. He felt I was forcing him to marry me. Of which I wasn't.

So, he told me that if I experience anything in our marriage, I should manage it. I didn’t know what he meant, but I told him that I could wait because I thought he just wanted a house. I didn’t know it was much more than that. From the day he paid my bride price, I saw hell. It was as if I didn't know him at all, because he turned out to be a monster to me. When he introduced me to his family, they seemed to like me. After the introduction, as tradition demands I had to go and start living with his mother because he has paid my bride price already. Though he is not in the country, he lives abroad. He was still taking care of me; he calls often, send me money and also ask about my siblings. But when I eventually got admission into a polytechnic, his attitude towards me changed, he stopped calling or sending money. He didn’t call me for up to a month. I had to tell my grandmother who then called him to find out what the problem was; he told her that he was too busy. He had been acting strange and I noticed that he has been living with a girl in his house. When I asked him, he denied it. As time went on, his family also began to change towards me. Everything turned upside down. They began to maltreat me.

They said that the reason I got married to their brother was because I am an orphan. They became so abusive and hostile. When I told my grandmother, she would tell me to endure it since they have paid my bride price, that I shouldn’t come back home. But for how long? Until they kill me? Last year December, we had our church wedding. I was a virgin who believed that God will bless me with a good man, but I have ended up in a terrible man with whom God blessed us with a baby girl. Every day, I always regret why I rushed into this marriage. He maltreats me so badly and hurts me with his words daily. Every day, his family calls him and tells him not to spend money on my siblings because that was the reason I married him. Where have I gone wrong? My only crime was to fall in love with him, thinking he is the right man for me. Had I known I wouldn't have rushed into getting married. I have made up my mind to run away with my child and sister. Every day, I cry. The reason I got married was to help my grandmother and assist my siblings, now, I am regretting it. I need help and advice, I can’t endure this again. I am too young for this.

If you were in her shoes, what will you do?

By Pupwaya Timothy Dibal