How will you handle a gossiping spouse?

There are very few hard and fast rules when it comes to marriage. We are all different, with different kinds of ways to handle our relationships. Marriage is a relationship between two adults of the opposite sex. But what some couples fail to realise is that gossip can be a major threat to their marriage. Gossiping used to be associated with women, but today the men are also into it full time. The gossip can be between two women about another woman, or between a man and his wife about their neighbour. This has caused a lot of problems in so many homes today that led to separations, divorces, spousal abuse et al.

According to Wikipedia, Gossip is idle talk or rumour, especially about the personal or private affairs of others; it is also known as dishing or tattling. Cambridge Advanced Learner’s Dictionary & Thesaurus defined gossiping as conversation or reports about other people's private lives that might be unkind, disapproving, or not true: A big part of dealing with people who gossip about you is understanding gossip, the thoughts that run in the mind of those who gossip and the psychology behind it. Some might feel they are not gossiping about the person, but rather pointing out some facts. But how you talk about someone to another person might be seen to the person listening as gossip.
What would you do if the person who gossips is your spouse? In other words, how would you handle a gossiping spouse? Tozali was out and about to get opinions from people on how they would handle such spouses.

Gossip can be very harmful, according to Mrs. Oghome Ekokuje Emadu especially when it is defamatory. It is no easy to change a Gossip, more so a spouse. In such a situation, you can't do much other than communicating to your spouse about the effects of gossiping. If need be, state examples, give references. If the case gets extreme, you can blackmail your spouse in a positive way. For example, you can ask, “How would you react if your child picks up the attitude of gossiping?" I am sure this question will make him or her to have a rethink and stop that bad attitude of talking too much’.

Mrs. Lola Bulus on the other hand said she doesn’t think she can condone a spouse who gossips depending on what he or she gossips about. If it has to do with whatever we do or talk about and you take it outside then there will be a serious problem between us. Mrs. Bulus also said that some spouses can be so mouthy that whatever happens in their relationship they will tell their friends. If I talk to you about your wagging tongue and you get upset about it or even say you don’t know what you did wrong then the home will suffer because that bad habit can actually lead to divorce.

Gossiping is a serious problem according to Kenneth Onyesom. ‘If I notice that my spouse is in the habit of saying negatives things about other people to me, I will try as much as possible to make her desist from such behavior because I can’t condone it. Gossip can bring a lot of problems to you and your partner, not only in your relationship but it can also affect your relationship with other people because they will tell you that you have a spouse who talks about people which is really a bad thing.

Mr. Danladi Ngadda who is based in Bauchi State said that people tend to think of gossip as one of those little sins. But the truth is that gossip is actually a very big sin and it’s destructive to relationships. “Gossip can tear apart friendships, families and even cost us our jobs. Nobody ever starts the gossip intentionally, it mostly happens in the daily conversations even without us being aware of it. If my spouse is in the habit of talking about someone or people, not just to me but have gone far as talking to people outside then I will have to put a stop to it. I will state some consequences of gossiping and will also tell her that if she continues to such bad habit we will have problem.

By Pupwaya Timothy Dibal