LOVE AROUND THE WORLD

Things to say on a first date to guarantee a second one

Do you want to guarantee a second date with him/her?! A first date usually needs peeling one layer at a time. The goal of a first date is to get to know the girl/guy and to find common areas of interest.  You need to gently allow your partners to reveal themselves; avoid trying to plunge in with those deep, personal questions that go straight to the core. No matter how hard someone tries, believe it or not, first dates are always stressful, and for the first 10 to 20 minutes will always contain moments of awkward silence and sometimes confusion. You should keep the conversation flowing on a date because it is important to ensure that a first date will lead to a second date. Concentrating on several basic areas of his or her life should provide you with plenty of things or information to talk about and help you to avoid awkward calmness in the conversation. There are certain things to say to a guy or girl, on a first date just to guarantee a second one. A lot of people may have difficulty dealing with this.  In that case, here are some perfect ways to show interest and help someone open up on a first date, without placing them on the defensive.

1. What do you do for a living? This may not be the most brilliant or clever question to ask, but it does show you’re taking an interest in their life beyond the here-and-now of the date. It’s also a question that opens up all kinds of avenues for discussion and discovery. It makes your partner know how interested you are on the issues of their lives. Talk about what you are doing now, in this week, and day. Avoid discussing the past.  By talking about the past you kind of sound like you live in the past. By talking about the future you sound like you are a dreamer. Only mention them if you have genuinely achieved things there. By mentioning things such as "I run my own business" or "I'm taking a college course” or ‘’ I work in this or that organization’’, you bring yourself more into the now and he or she can relate to somebody who is here. All these techniques are good. If you can use them, you will know that they can really change the way a girl/guy looks at you.

2. Talk about Common Interests: If you know about things you both share in common, talk about them. If you don't then this is the perfect time to find out what he or she does in their spare time, where he or she is from, what they like to do, how they relax, etc. and by exploring things that you have in common you will both want to talk more and get that good feeling of deep rapport and connection. Whatever you do, don't bring up ex-girlfriends or ex-boyfriends unless your partner brings them up. If your partner starts talking about her ex-boyfriends, subtly change the topic. The date is for just the both of you, therefore you deserve the attention tonight, and you do not want him or her to see you as a friend. The details of both of your lives can take a significant amount of time to explore and are usually a safe first-date conversation topic. Ask about her parents, friends, grandparents and siblings and tell her about your family. If you and your date are still in school, find out his plans for the future. Find out what course he’s taking. If you are both working, ask what he or she does for a living and how long they have been working in that job. Should your date seem uncomfortable talking about his or her family and friends or job, let that topic drop and move on to another topic entirely.

3. Do you like to travel? This simple question helps you to find out if someone is adventurous or a homebody. It will also give you the chance to talk about places you may both have visited, discover what constraints there may be on your date travelling and discuss favourite places and ask him or her of  places they would like to visit.

4. Where would you want to visit?  Spontaneity can really help people to begin to feel at ease. By arriving with a set of possible places to go, you can let your date choose. This allows you to find out what they like to do and provides plenty to talk about in those first few awkward moments.

5. Where do you feel most relaxed?  One of the best ways to get people to open up is to do so yourself. Open up and tell them where you like to relax, and why, before you ask the same of them. It’s a sure way to get to know your date on a deeper level without being intrusive. The first impression is the most important and can make or break any potential new relationship. If you want to impress your partner on the first date, be yourself, be relaxed and be considerate.

6. What’s one thing about you that would surprise me?  First dates are about fun and gentle discovery – this question offers both. Be free to talk about anything as this will give your partner the idea that you are a free minded person and can keep communication going in good shape.

7. That’s interesting! Say things like that, to show that you understand what they are saying. Dates are not all about probing questions. They’re also about listening to, and learning about someone else. Let them know you’re doing this.

8. Let me get that for you: Whether you’re male or female, it doesn't hurt and it is not wrong to open the door for your date or offer to pay. Remember that if they insist on ‘going Dutch’ you should give in gracefully without worries.

9. Thanks for a good time:  still be polite if the date has not gone as you may have wished. Likewise, make sure you let them know if it has — tell them that you've enjoyed their company. Also let them know you had a nice time, for this will make them feel good.

10. Can I call you?  You also need to leave them in no doubt that you’d like to see them again for a second date. No one likes to be left guessing and not even you, I guess. Don’t talk about ANY negative aspect of your life, because if you already do that on the first date your partner will think it’s just a “preview” of the hell that is your daily life. Do talk about positive stuff in your life: hobbies, passions, likes, dislikes, dreams, etc. As you can see, knowing what to say on a first date is mostly about stopping yourself from screwing up your date by saying stupid stuff. And it would be a good start to not screw up first dates for you by saying the wrong things and discussing irrelevant issues that do not relate to the area of your discussion. If you want to know what to say on a first date, then knowing what you should definitely NOT do is half the battle. 

By Rifkatu Yusuf