Friday, 6 April 2018

Ways to let go of someone you love



We have all experienced it at some point the pain of lost love lingering like subtle poison. Letting go of someone you truly love is one of the most difficult things in the world. Unfortunately, sometimes necessary. And since the pain you experience from letting go of someone you love can stop you right in your tracks, you need to take action now if you hope to move forward with your life and find happiness elsewhere.
Sometimes, you know what happened; other times, you feel as though things slowly slipped away from you and you can’t quite pinpoint at any one cause. But in any case, you have decided it’s time to let them go and move on.
In this case, here are ways to let go of someone you love
Cut off contacts: Before you do anything, and I mean anything else, you need to cut off all contact with that person. This is the first step and more of a critically important prerequisite. You will never be able to heal if you keep the person who hurt you so close at hand.
Remove phone numbers, discard contact information, pictures and thing else directly connected with them. You are not erasing your memory, just removing your ability to potentially contact that person the next time you are in a moment of weakness and might think of reaching out.
Be with what you are feeling: Possibly the worst thing you can do is to ignore what you are feeling and start looking for means to either bottle those feelings down or hide from them. The longer you do this, the worse you will get, so you need to take an entirely different approach if you hope to heal this wound. Face the pain head on and don’t run from it. Allow yourself to simply be with whatever you are feeling, even if it’s uncomfortable. Over time, the mind has a way of settling itself if you allow it to focus in on the pain.
Stop fantasizing: As you begin to experience the gradual process of internal healing and reflect on past memories, you will be motivated to fantasize that maybe, just maybe, they will change. Maybe things could work out this time, if such and such was different. Things won’t work out and they won’t change. This process is your brain trying to keep you away from the pain again. Be present for these feelings so that you maintain clarity. But it is important to then give yourself a reality check and remember that this is a natural part of the healing process. It’s the same thing as binge-drinking after a breakup or some other loss. You are not really healing, just attempting to put a band-aid over the wound. Eventually, that band-aid will come off. And, when it does, it’s going to hurt like hell. The only way to heal is to be with what is the reality and move on; so stop fantasizing.
Practice forgiveness: Now is when you really begin to dig deep and get to the heart of the issue. Whatever happened has left an internal wound that needs to be sewn up. And, to do that, you need to practice forgiveness. It’s not always the other person’s fault. Sometimes it’s our fault. Whatever the case, you need to either practice visualizing the other person and repeating a simple mantra such as “I forgive you. My pain is my own” or imagine yourself apologizing and searching for those feelings of sincerity within you. When you can recognize this, the process has started working.
Depending on what happened, it will take time to heal. However, in every case, if you invest the time to be with yourself, listening to what goes within you and being kind and compassionate with yourself, you will heal the wound.
Get out there and live: Now that you have created a nourishing foundation you can use to heal internally, once you feel ready don’t wait too long it’s important to get out and into the world and start living. Get to work, pursue a passion, meet new people, or go on an adventure. Whatever it is, start creating new experiences, memories, and connections to replace the old memories.
The more you do this, the easier it will be to move on.

By Mercy Kukah


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