In this age of technology and texting, it seems that maintaining a long-distance relationship would be easier than ever before. Gone are the days of paying such sky-high rates for long-distance calls that they need to be rationed like precious jewels. We’re no longer in the days of having to wait for your loved one to settle in with their computer to check email: Instant responses are all but demanded now; ask anyone who's in a long-distance relationship. Even though Technology can't make up for everything. The lack of regular physical proximity still seems to make many long-distance relationships as emotionally tough as ever.
But again here are 3 major tips to make your long distance relationship work:
Focus on quality communication.
Interestingly enough, long-distance couples may actually be more satisfied with their communication than geographically close couples are. This may be because they realize how precious their communication opportunities are, and they generally don't have to waste words on day-to-day logistics. If you are in a long-distance relationship, you lack the ability to have a high quantity of communication compared to couples that are together in close proximity, but you do have the potential to even exceed them when it comes to quality. If you have daily bedtime conversations, for instance, give a little thought beforehand to the most important parts of your day to talk about. Realize that since you may not have the benefit of facial expression or physical touch, you'll sometimes need to be a little more deliberate in the words you use. Understand the deficits of a phone call or even a Skype session and plan accordingly to make sure you say the things you mean to say. That can help you make sure that the most important intimacy-building conversations are still being had, no matter how many states or countries separate you!
Allow those "boring" details become connection.
Bear in mind that a focus on quality communication need not mean you are leaving out the smaller details of your day. It is easy to grow apart if you have no clue what the daily rhythm of your partner's life is like: Who do they talk to on their lunch hour? What podcasts are they into now? What have they been trying out for dinner? How have they been redecorating their room? Who's been driving them crazy at work? Don't make the mistake of thinking that the "boring" details of your day should be a mystery to your partner. Of course, no one wants to listen to nothing but a list of minutiae, the key is staying in each other's lives enough that you have a feel for the cast of characters and contexts that make up daily living for them: This helps keep you close, even when the miles do not.
Don't put your life on hold.
There is no doubt about it: Long-distance relationships require some sacrifice. But it's important to be careful not to sacrifice more than is necessary, which can breed resentment and regret over time. This is especially risky when the long-distance part of the relationship is supposed to last only a brief period of time, but unexpectedly needs to be extended longer, whether due to military deployment, employment challenges, or unexpected financial setbacks. In these cases, one partner may have delayed or even avoided spending time cultivating friendships, interests, or hobbies in their locale, because they didn't think it was worth it and now they are a couple of years in, wishing that they at least had truly been living more fully in the meantime. It's one thing to look forward to finally being in the same place as your partner; it's quite another to postpone being truly engaged in your life until then. Make sure that you are trying your best to make the most of the life you have in your own locale, in the here and now. Don't isolate yourself, spin your wheels at work, or keep yourself from "bothering" to seek out a sense of community or purpose. Live each day fully, whether your partner is absent or not. And guess what? It will make the time apart go faster!
BY: STEPHANIE E. HEMEN
No comments:
Post a Comment