Constructive criticism is
criticism without judgment that is expressed in a friendly manner, and is
valued to be reasonable, logical and effective. Constructive criticism is very
important because it improves the result of the individuals work. It is equally
important for you to be constructive in the
criticism of your children. Some children are very sensitive to
abusive words, some may react in a
negative manner. Therefore, parents should be very cautious in dealing with
their children when trying to correct their mistakes; correct them using
constructive criticism. It is important because your criticism and your
behaviour will greatly influence the life of your child.
Children are bound to make
mistakes as they progress through life. As a parent, it is your responsibility
to correct these errors before they get out of hand, it is also important to
take the right approach to correct your child’s mistake or else you will risk
harming his self-esteem and causing problems in your relationship with the
child. Giving this criticism to your child is not an option but an obligation
and duty of the parents to guide children properly.
Here are nine steps to give
constructive criticism to your child in order to improve his or her self esteem
and make them better individuals;
Watch your Tone: In no
situation should you talk to your child when you are upset, because trying to
correct them while you are upset might be the number one factor for raising
your tone. Approach your child when you are calm and clear headed. It’s
difficult enough to receive criticism because no one really wants to hear about
their mistakes. So it’s important that you use a loving tone when correcting
your child’s errors. If you sense that you are aggravated, but feel you need to
address an issue immediately, take a few deep breaths to calm yourself before
approaching the child. If the matter is not pressing, give yourself as much
time as you need, even go for a walk before correcting your child’s behavior.
Point out the problem by using descriptive statement instead
of judgmental language: There is no point in shouting abuses at your kids for their
mistakes; you will only worsen the situation. Using language with judgment such
as "how stupid you are", or
"you are behaving like a mad person", won’t help the
situation. The solution is to recognize your kids' previous efforts and achievements
first and then explain to them about their problems in an objective manner. For
instance, if you are disappointed with your boy’s test result in math or
English, try not to express your sadness. You can simply say, "don’t worry
my boy, you can do better when you practice harder", or "I think you
will achieve a better result next time". You can also offer to help
him/her by saying, "If you have any problems in your learning, I can talk
to your teacher", or "I will help you with it myself". When you
approach them this way they will have a sense of remorse and you can conclude
by saying, "I hope to see you having some improvement in the next
test".
Solicit Your Child’s Point of View: You might think your
perspective of your child’s actions is the most accurate, but that might not be
so. When people offer feedback, they assume their opinions are more valid than
others. It is best to try to see life from your child’s perspective before
offering an unjust criticism. For example, if your child is playing a football
or any game and he is fond of repeatedly passing the ball to his teammates
instead of taking shots himself, ask him why he is making these choices instead
of criticizing his unwillingness to take shots himself. You might also assume
he’s afraid to shoot the ball, but when you talk to him you might find out that
he is following his coach’s instructions, or using this technique of passing
the ball as way to build a relationship and a mutual trust and respect with his
teammates.
Figure out the Root of the Problem before Criticizing: It is important to figure
out the root of the problem and it is your duty to do so. It would be easier
for you to explain to your child what has gone wrong. Think twice or as many
times as you need before you express your dissatisfaction or anger. Your boy’s
poor test result might be that he has some problems in the class or maybe he is
always nervous during the test. Make it a duty to always dig deep to find out
the root cause of a problem and come up with corresponding solutions. Good
problem solving skills are what all parents have to master.
Control your Anger: Don’t let your anger take the upper
hand, always remember that you are dealing with a child, not an adult. Remember
also that, children have feelings too. No one likes hearing criticism in a
hostile manner. Next time when you lose your temper, try not to talk to your
child. Take time, calm down, even if it takes hours, only approach your kids
when you become even tempered. You must have a controlled, loving tone when
talking to your children.
Tell them the Consequences of their Mistakes: Always criticize for the
wrongdoing, but not your child. When you are delivering your criticism, make
sure your kids understand that what distresses you is their behavior but not
themselves. For example if your children get hooked to television programs like
cartoons , tell them that you are worried because watching too much television
may lead to troubled eyesight. Explain to them that you wouldn’t like them to
be wearing glasses, guide them to get involved in different activities that will
keep their mind activated and off TV programs.
Be clear about your Criticism: Before you start criticizing your
beloved small ones, make sure you know what to deliver. If you hesitate, your
children may misinterpret the message. Your aim is to educate your child not
embarrass or punish them. Think before you deliver.
Give them an Opportunity to correct themselves: Be it failing in school or
misbehaving, the ultimate goal of constructive criticism is to prompt your
children to realize their mistakes and make corresponding corrections. In this
way, your kids will learn to take responsibilities for their own actions in the
future. Raising kids is not an easy task. Through constructive criticism you
can shape a better and more successful future for your children.
Be Ready to Teach: Parents should be ready to teach
their children appropriate behaviours and actions when offering constructive
criticism. Criticism should be aimed at the behavior or actions, not the child,
and parents should have their children’s undivided attention when teaching
appropriate behavior. If your child is fond of leaving his plate behind after
eating, teach him and make him understand that it is a bad habit to leave your
plate behind after eating as opposed to yelling at him or assuming he is lazy.
By: Mercy Kukah
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