However, come to
think of it, this endless cycle makes perfect sense. It explains why and how
some people are simply insufferable and can never seem to take the hint that
anyone won’t be able to tolerate being around them. If you refuse to acknowledge
that you are not, in fact, the best in the world, here’s a little wake-up call:
You may think that you’re a special person who needs to be appreciated by those
around you, but guess what? There are 7 billion people in the world, and the
odds are that someone will be smarter, better looking, stronger, richer, and
even more likeable than you. What can and will set you apart from the crowd is
how gracefully you behave, whatever your accomplishments may be.
There’s no need
to be boastful. There’s no need to inform others of how much you’ve done or
make it seem like you’re the only one capable of making it happen. Get over
yourself. At the end of the day, no one really cares about what award you won,
how much money you made, what you spent on your car, how many politicians you
know, how great your hair looks, or what grades you got. What they will care
about is how good you made them feel, and trust me when I say that self-centred
people rarely make people feel good. You have probably been told on more than
one occasion of how annoying you are, how brash you can be, how vainglorious,
how selfish, how rude. It’s time to drill into your thick skull that there’s
probably a reason why people are reacting so negatively towards you. Plainly
and simply, it’s because you exude negative energy. People tend to be very
unforgiving when it comes to bad first impressions. If you don’t try to change,
you will miss out on important connections and opportunities, not to mention
risk spending the rest of your life lacking meaningful relationships with
lovers, friends, and family.
STOP BEING SUCH
AN EGOISTIC PERSON
Learn how to
stop being so self-centred, or at least be more aware of your attitude so you
can take the necessary steps to change it.
1. Start paying
attention to how people respond to you. If you take a second to stop focusing on yourself, you will be
able to tell if someone is feeling upset, annoyed, or just plain bored. Pay
attention to their tone of voice and whether their answers are curt. These are
tell-tale indications that they are on the brink of walking away. As telling as
emotions are, don’t forget to pay attention to their body language. Non-verbal
communication is just as important in gauging how someone feels about you. For
example, if the people you’re with have their arms crossed, are leaning
backwards, and are not making much eye contact with you, they are not huge fans
of the conversation, or you, for that matter. Positive indications include
plenty of eye contact, leaning in towards you, and standing with their feet
slightly apart, with their arms loosely at their sides. Participation in the
conversation is also a good sign.
Keep in mind
that it is not just how people react to you in the present moment but also when
you’re apart. Take your friends and colleagues, for example. Do they initiate
contact and meet up with you? Are you one of the top invitees if there’s ever a
get-together? Paying attention to whether people want to spend time with you is
also another telling sign of whether they like you. Self-centred people may
find this hard to admit and always think that they’re the life of the party,
but that title is usually self-proclaimed.
2. Put yourself
in the other person’s shoes. Say you’re out with someone for a drink, and they’re telling you
about the bad day that they had. Think about what you would like to hear in
response if you were the one sharing. Would you want that person to hijack the
conversation and make it all about them? Would you want that person to ignore
everything that you just said and bring up a completely unrelated topic? Would
you want that person to scoff at what happened to you and boast about how they
overcame an even more traumatic day? Doesn’t sound too pleasant, right? Well,
that’s exactly how others feel when you try to make everything about you.
If you’re trying
to be less self-centred, one way to do so is to put yourself in the other
person’s shoes. Listen to what your friend is saying, smile, nod, and politely
contribute to the conversation by asking related questions and offering sound
advice without making it all about you.
3. Remember that
people have their own lives too. People have their own ups and downs to deal with. It’s completely
normal to want to be in the company of people you like, but when those people
simply don’t have the time for you, don’t hold it against them. They’re not
being jerks by refusing your invitation. They’re just living their lives. Also,
always consider the situations of the people you’re talking to because you
never know just how selfish you sound, until you hear it from someone else.
Don’t be the jerk that goes about announcing their “first world problems” to
people who have real world problems to deal with.
4. Get to know
the people around you. From
colleagues to neighbours to the parking lot attendant you see twice a day, be
friendly. Don’t you find it odd that you see these people on a regular basis,
but you know nothing about them? Anna at the office knows everything that has
to do with you because you keep telling her, but do you know anything about
her? Joe, who lives in the apartment next to yours celebrated a milestone
birthday yesterday, but do you remember how old he is? Everyone probably knows
your life story, thanks to your storytelling tirades, but whose life story do
you genuinely know? Get to know the people around you, and you will gain
insight on the things you’ve missed out on while you were too busy focusing on
yourself.
5. Be proud, but
don’t brag. There’s nothing
wrong with being proud of your achievements. It’s not easy accomplishing
something in today’s highly competitive world, so rightfully so, you should be
happy about what you’ve done. With that being said, no one likes a show-off.
Always be modest when publicizing your successes. One way to do so is to
recognize the help that you’ve received and to thank those who were there to
lift you up. For example, instead of taking full credit for nailing that
presentation, add a disclaimer in there that goes something like, “Thanks to my
mentor, Sarah, for never giving up on my vision and for piling on the help and
advice when I needed them.”
6. Do something
nice for everyone you care about. You can also kick self-centeredness to the curb by doing something
nice for those you care about without expecting anything in return. You don’t
have to do anything extravagant. Simple things that remind them that you care
about them will suffice. Everything from sending your best buddies a meme that
reminds you of them to sending your colleagues a postcard from your annual
getaway destination, little gestures like these will show them that you care
enough about them to reach out to them.
7 Get involved
in volunteering. Volunteering
will help you quickly come to the painful realisation that there are far more
important things in the world than you. Remember that donating cash is not
enough because the heart of volunteering lies in the time and effort you
actually spend to help others out. Whether you end up fighting for animal
rights, human rights, raising awareness on HIV/AIDS, or anything else that you
feel particularly passionate about, lend a hand to those in need, as it will
open your eyes to a whole new world.
8. Let those
close to you know what you’re doing. Just like quitting smoking or laying off the vodka, you have to be
100% ready to get rid of self-centeredness if you want to change. You also need
to inform those close to you that you are going on this journey, so that they
can support you and prompt you every time it seems like you’re falling back
into the gaping hole of selfishness. Let them know that it is all right to call
you out and tell you off. Just remember not to get offended. This is all for
your own good, and you will find that the world will be a much more pleasant
place to live in once you change your mind-set. Always remember to practice
modesty and be more attentive to those around you. Changing the way you think
and the way you approach everyday life is not the simplest thing in the world
to achieve, but if you make an effort, there is no reason why you won’t be able
to get there.
Everyone needs a
little self-love, but loving yourself to the point of being egotistical is no
longer healthy. Kick your selfishness to the curb, and you’ll find that people
will become more responsive towards you.
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