Tips for a Healthy Relationship

The goal in any relationship is to feel safe, supported and respected. In intimate relationships, we also have expectations to be emotionally taken care of, wanted, unconditionally accepted, and loved to the core of our existence. We all want to feel part of something special, and not alone. A healthy relationship encourages personal growth and supports individuality. It is possible to be who we are, rather than who we think we need to be for our partner. What makes for a healthy romantic relationship differs from couple to couple. Forming a trusting and positive partnership takes effort and time, and unfortunately, it does not just happen overnight.

For any relationship to grow strong and stay strong, there are factors responsible which include;

Successful relationships take work. They don't just happen. They occur when the couples involved take the responsibility to work on their relationships by sharing their hearts and their ideas.

You can only change yourself, not your partner. If you love someone and think that after a while he or she will alter behaviours you find uncomfortable, think again. If you want changes, put them on the table. So your partner knows what you need.

All arguments stem from our own fear or pain. When upset occurs, check out what's going on inside of you rather than get angry with your partner. Truth is that we usually aren't upset for the reasons we think we are.

Understand that men and women are very different. We're not from Mars or Venus; we're not even in the same solar system. Understanding and celebrating our differences will make living together more peaceful, interesting, and fun.

Honour each other in some way every day. Every morning you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by recommitting to your spouse. Feeling respected and cherished by the one you love makes life much nicer.

Anger is a waste of time. Anger is also a relationship killer, because it makes you self-absorbed and won't allow you to see the good. If you are annoyed with your partner, give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss what's going on for you.

Get regular tune-ups. Go to a couple’s workshop, talk with a counsellor, or read a relationship book together at least once a year. Even if you don't think you need it, you will pick up a couple of ideas, and the process alone will strengthen your connection.

Find a way to become and stay best friends. For some this sounds unromantic, but for those who live it, most say it's the best part of their time together.

Be responsible for your own happiness. No other person can make you happy. It's something you have to do on your own. If you feel it's your partner's fault, think again, and look within to find out what piece may be missing for you.

Give what you want to get. Our needs change with time. If you'd like to feel understood, try being more understanding. If you want to feel more love, try giving more. It's a simple program that really works.

There are no guarantees, but couples who practice these techniques have longer and stronger relationships than those who are not proactive in their love.

By Mercy Kukah