WHY YOUR CHILD TAKES YOUR NO FOR A YES

Sometimes it is difficult to figure out whether your child is under your control or vice versa. Perhaps, many times, you cave in to your child’s whims and fancies instead of your child following your instructions. Children should always be under the control of parents; however, that can only depend on how much training the parents have invested on them. A child needs training to be able to listen, understand and follow instructions from the parents. She should be able to understand the signs, body language, and movements of her parents. However, children are fond of responding to the opposite of what they have been instructed.

       There are some cases where you say a thing to your child and she takes it to mean the opposite or even prefers to respond to the opposite. There are some familiar situations such as;

 Situation 1:

 You: Baby, NO! Stop! Do not touch the wet cloth.

Your Baby runs, carries it and places it on his head.

Situation 2:
You: Baby, NO! Do not touch the hot plate!
Your baby touches, gets hurt and cries out loud.
Situation3:
You: Baby, NO! Do not make a mess with your food.
Your child smashes the food, spills it around, makes a face and refuses to touch it.

As a parent, you might be worried that your ‘NO’ has no power or relevance in your child’s life especially if you experience these situations in your day-to-day life. Whether you like it or not, your ‘NO’ is not significant to your little one.  Children see the world at large as a huge ground for experiments, exploration and learning. Do not deny them these. Moreover, they were not born with the word ‘NO’ in their vocabulary. It is you the parents who use it; and when not used the right way, complications are bound to set it. Most of the time the reason your child refuses to obey your ‘NO’ is that he or she is probably unaware of the consequences and meaning. With her little action she also tries to explore what a ‘NO’ from you can do to her.

                     HOW TO SAY NO TO YOUR CHILD WITHOUT SAYING IT

Sometimes you do not want your child to take certain actions, portray certain behaviors, or do certain things, which is definitely out of your love and concern. However, that one negative word is not enough for your child to understand that you are trying to teach her the good from the bad. Here are some few things you can do to say ‘NO’ to your child without saying it.

DO NOT SAY NO. Saying no to every little action your child takes will make her do the opposite repeatedly. This is not because she feels good making you angry or irritated, but because doing the opposite gives her enough room to experiment with the boundaries and limits that come along with the word. It can be very frustrating, you could even lose your temper and cool; but for your, child doing the opposite of your NO is a learning experience. In the absence of logical reasoning, doing the opposite is the only way she can learn the importance of ‘NO’. Her take home lesson might not always be a positive one because of what follows (spanking, scolding and shouting). So stop saying ‘NO’.

TRY INVESTING PARENTING: If you have to limit your ‘NOs’ you have to spend time giving logical reasons and justify the implied action. Remember your children have not developed the logical reasoning skills like adults, they learn more through actions than with words. So, for instance, if you want your child not to touch a hot plate, make her touch it when it is just warm enough, then explain that if a warm plate can make you feel hot, imagine what a hot plate can then do to your fingers . This is investing parenting and it demands time and patience. It is not easy, but it is the only way you can explain your ‘NO’ to your child.

 SAY YES, SORT OF: Your kid asks you for biscuits while you are shopping. You say, “No biscuit before dinner.”  He stomps his feet. You say no again, more sharply this time. Before you know it, he is pulling your dress, and trying hard to draw attention and possibly soliciting for help.  Some kids cannot understand or learn the reason for the rule if they only hear the word “NO” says, Bruce Grellong. So, next time, try reframing your No as Yes. For example, you could say to your child, “Yes, you can have biscuits after dinner. Let us go look for an orange for now”.

 DEVELOP A LOOK: Not every child loves to learn the hard way. For those children who would rather not get beaten or scolded, developing a look or a penetrating glare that immediately signifies, “I do not like what you are doing, you had better stop” might just be the best way of saying “No”. Smart kids quickly understand the body language of their parents whether they are out or not. Kids like these get people around wondering at their quick change of attitude or actions.