WINDOW SHOPPING

 Have you ever had trouble trying not to stare at a girl? Have you ever had trouble ignoring girls, especially when they are pretty? I have, and for me it has always been the dark ones with big eyes. To be attracted to the opposite sex is natural; sometimes it happens without you even being aware. But to try and contain what you do as a result of that attraction is something you have to commit yourself to doing or else, we will all be beasts.

Ok, check out this scenario. My cousin told me he was walking on the street one day when he noticed this woman coming out of a small superstore, holding groceries packed in those big black polythene bags. For a moment, she kept walking ahead of him. He didn't know where she was going but it was obvious that she wasn't going to walk for long holding those bags. She would soon slow down near a flashy car, use a remote to open the boot, and put her purchases inside. And how did he know that she had a car? She was wearing expensive clothes, but that's not all he noticed: she was also elderly. No woman with that combination takes commercial transport. That was solely why he assumed she had a car. And he was right, she went to the store with one and she was just approaching it. Therefore he decided to indulge himself in feasting his eyes on her before she got into her car.

 I have always thought window shopping was a stupid thing to do. When you see something and you want it, but then you know you don't have what it takes to get it, then don't look. You just keep looking at commodities you can’t buy and you are fully aware that you can’t buy them. It is the same thing with women. When you see a woman or a girl you like and you don't have the backbone to go after her, then why waste your time staring at her until you drool? This is window shopping, and unlike the inanimate commodities in the market or malls, women want you to go for them; show some assurance and if you can’t, then don't stare. Sometimes, even if you have the boldness to walk up to any single woman and court her, you definitely shouldn't conspicuously stare for too long. And here, I hope my readers would not mistake impudence for confidence. I can say 99% of women don't like disrespectfulness towards them.  Even when they are crazy about a man who has that trait, they will always loathe that aspect of him. So please, having the backbone to do something is different from having the cheek to do it, so to speak.

You can’t do anything about being drawn to women, especially when something about them attracts your attention. But you can do something about self control by not looking, or at least not looking for too long; that is the first step towards controlling yourself. The effects of lack of control might not take a toll on you until you see yourself contemplating whether you have an STD, because like it or not, not controlling yourself will make you want to have every woman that meets your fancy, which means many partners. Guarding your gaze makes you avoid problems. It makes you look mature and apparently in control of yourself. It saves you the embarrassment of drooling while you are awake in broad day light. If you would be embarrassed about drooling while asleep then there's absolutely no excuse for you to risk doing that while awake, so don't stare for too long.

In many cases, who is the first to start talking to who, is usually the problem in starting a relationship. Therefore, some men may claim that staring consistently at a woman brought them some luck with opening liners. He stared long and she might have walked up to him and asked him why he was staring at her. Whatever happens afterwards makes history because his response didn’t matter at all, they have already started talking. But a Hausa adage says wani in ya yi rawa ya sami kudi wani in yayi duka zai sha. Plainly interpreted, this means while someone might reap luck from doing something, someone else might just reap bad luck. If one man expressed his love to a woman by staring and got accepted, another man might get a dress down, regardless of whether he was staring because he was smitten or he was staring lecherously, which is more common.

But imagine surreptitiously catching one glimpse and pretending they are not there. That would be cool. You MIGHT have lost a chance of a company of a beautiful woman but you DEFINATELY have escaped being dressed down. In my own imagination, it is better when you just walk up to a woman and tell her she is so beautiful that you can’t stop staring at her. And then you might ask her out. This is better than staring without doing anything.

So here is the message to all the young and elderly men, on the street, at work, sometimes even at home, do not stare too long at what you are not suppose to stare at. For the married men, frankly, if I was married I would certainly not look twice (with that intention all men have while doing so) at any woman other than my wife. Please, uphold the institution of marriage and steer clear of staring at other women. That is how husbands start cheating, by looking and subsequently having fantasies. When she's your wife, you can demand to look every inch of her body and ensure that your demand is being fulfilled. But when you step outside, control yourself. For the single guys, you must definitely be planning to get married someday so when are you going to stop hiding behind those goggles to stare at girls and start realising your plans? You need to control yourself. Self-control makes us look like real men. Ogling and following make us look like he-goats.