HOW DO YOU SETTLE YOUR DIFFERENCES WITH YOUR SPOUSE?

Misunderstanding and anger are inevitable in any relation; how you manage your situation is what binds you together, makes you wax stronger and learn more about each other. I have seen situations where couples allow simple disagreement to fester for days. Husband is silently hurting, expecting the wife to speak to him first. Same for the wife, the waiting game leads from one thing to the other. Couples should learn how to settle their quarrels/differences immediately. When not resolved properly, couples can quickly become isolated and both will create a loophole in the relationship that might take time to patch up. If you are at this level in your relationship, here are some suggestions that might help change things for the better in your relationship.

 Jyd Afolabi: Couples must tolerate one another. No matter how angry I am with my wife, we talk to each other at least three times during working hours. I call even when I have no reason to call and ask some silly questions like, “where are you? Wetin dey happen?  Anything for your boyfriend?” That automatically puts an end to whatever is the cause of our fight. I am not saying this to impress anybody, but because it is true.

Toyin Balogun: Resolving every argument with your spouse may seem impossible at first thought, coupled with our pride as women. You have to be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. Begin your communication with the mindset of listening and understanding one another. In turn, this slows down the process and allows each person to feel heard and understood. Since conflict is a normal part of any relationship, learning how to resolve them without emotional injury is the best alternative.

Ibrahim Jumoke: Of course, being frustrated and venting anger are normal, but you have to distinguish between emotion and situation. Accepting your emotion towards your spouse over a particular situation sets the stage for conflict resolution. My fiancée and I made a rule in our relationship that we would never go to bed mad at each other. It has been one of the best things about our relationship. It is also important to come back and resolve the argument after emotions have cooled; otherwise, unresolved conflicts have a nasty way of rearing their heads down the road. Whichever that works for you, the bottom line should be not to create unnecessary tension in your relation.

Mustapha Idris: My experience has been that in order to resolve arguments productively it is important that both parties have the same style of fighting.  What do I mean by that?  My former partner was so rational about every issue. He would dismiss my arguments because they were usually emotional, and his were rational. No matter how much time I would give myself to cool off before continuing the argument, as soon as we resumed he will see me as not making sense at all. Still we broke up and I am married now. My new partner approaches arguments emotionally just like me, so we resolve our differences the minute we succeed in explaining to the other why we feel the way we do. Nobody has to win or be right, and we do not have to come over to each other's side. As long as we understand where the other person is coming from, we are good.

Anchored by: Okoye Chizzy