PERFECT AND ROMANTIC WAYS OF APOLOGIZING TO YOUR PARTNER

 I know that, for the most part, you are a flawless goddess, and everyone loves you. But I'm sure occasionally you do have to apologize, especially in your relationship, and you have to do it right because sometimes just saying ‘’SORRY’’ isn’t enough. When those times roll around, you'll need to understand what makes a truly great and meaningful apology.

It's about so much more than admitting blame or feeling guilt. It's about understanding how your partner feels, affirming their feelings, making them feel heard, finding real solutions, and then doing a little making up. That means making real, lasting change, and that's a difficult thing to do. Especially if you're set in your ways, or if you're not used to compromising. It's a skill that take practice, but you'll get it down.

Here are some basic steps to guide you through the perfect apology;

Check Your Tone: An insincere apology might as well be another shovelful of dirt on your relationship's grave. It's as insulting as it is irritating, and it doesn't resolve anything. If you're not ready to apologize, or you don't mean it, don't make things worse with an apology full of attitude. In other words, check yourself before you wreck yourself. It's absolutely OK to take some time to think or cool off after a disagreement. Your partner will know if you're just giving an empty apology, and it will only hurt your relationship.

Acknowledge Your Partner's Feelings: Most of the time, when we feel hurt, we also really want to feel understood. Even if you don't think you did anything wrong, it can only make your relationship stronger if you take the time to understand why your partner is angry or hurt instead of just giving a blanket apology. Try to see things from their perspective, and take into account that they likely have different feelings and perspectives on things than you do. Really try to empathize with your partner, in as caring and understand. 

You Mean What You Say: There's no point in making a plan to change your inconsiderate behavior if you're not going to follow through. You'll just end up back at square one with more apologizing to do, and a partner who is growing tired of hearing it. If you are happy with your compromise or the solutions you came up with together, make new ones. Don't just backslide into behaviors you know upsets your partner. That's basically telling your partner that you weren't serious about your apologies or about the solutions you both came up with; you have to follow through.

Make A Plan For Change: Once you've apologized, and got to the peak of what's really wrong, you need to resolve things by making a meaningful plan for change. This could be something as simple as saying "I will consult you before I make large purchases" or as complex as saying "I will do everything I can to rearrange my schedule and make sure our relationship is a top priority in my life." And even though you're the one doing the apologizing, there's plenty of room compromise here, and changes from your partner as well. Making a plan shows you're both committed to each other's happiness and the success of your relationship. It makes an apology that much more meaningful because it's backed by actions.

Remind Your Partner How Much You Love Them: Don't confuse this step with buying off your partner. A gift doesn't make up for bad behavior, and your partner isn't someone who can be bought off. What you're doing here is simply reminding your partner that they are appreciated, loved, and special. You're adding a rainbow to the end of the rain; and it doesn’t have to be a gift. It could be a heartfelt gesture,snuggle time, something romantic, or taking over a chore they hate for a few days. A little loving and papering should happen regularly in your relationship anyway, but it's especially important after a disagreement, or when you hurt their feelings. Do whatever will make them smile, warm their heart, and affirm your bond.

Finding real solutions and mending hurt feelings takes much more than saying "sorry." But if you truly love your partner, making them feel loved, appreciated, and understood is not a wasted effort. Plus, sometimes you get to have hot makeup sex. Bonus. Hahaha…


BY STEPHANIE E. HEMEN