Making the most out of a Break

Have you ever been in a relationship where you cannot see through the maze of frustrations due to the love you have for your partner? Perhaps it is time for both of you to take a break in the relationship, and from each other. Even though taking a break in a relationship is not common among Nigerians because we prefer breaking up completely from a relationship instead of taking a break in other for both partners to create an opportunity to observe and see if they can really do without each other.  

Taking a break in a relationship gives both partners a chance to gain some clarity about the relationship, or about themselves and what they want. It gives opportunity to understand each other better and for both parties to correct and repair all the lapses that existed in the relationship before.  Taking a break in a relationship is all about creating space from each other. A break is always a good thing, as long as it is taken in the right manner. Taking some time apart from each other can actually help clear the confusions and frustrations internally, and help both of you focus on your own faults and desires in the relationship.

If both of you love each other, and yet seem to have a few difficulties coping with a particular issue that’s bringing out the worst each other, a break  may be the best decision to make.

Before taking the break, it is important for you and your partner to lay some ground rules. It could be helpful to set a time frame for the break (for example, a week, a month, or whatever you are both comfortable with), after which you will regroup and decide what your next steps will be. Talk to each other about your expectations for the break. Some people choose to cut off communication completely, while others might want to check in with each other during the break.  What is important is that they both feel comfortable with the boundaries set.

While taking a break in the relationship is something that should be avoided unless it is inevitable, it can at times bring both of you closer for many reasons such as;

You will miss each other: If you truly love each other, while a break may give the much needed time away from each other, it will make you realize just how much both of you need each other and depend on each other. It can also give the relationship a fresh start, romantically and sexually.

Love is stronger: You will realize in a few days that your love for your partner is way more important than any silly confusions or misunderstandings in your lives.

Most of the time, it may be your egos that create a fight rather than real reasons.

You will be motivated: When you love your partner, you will definitely care about them. Can you imagine not knowing what is going on in your partner’s life for more than a few days, weeks or months? It would drive anyone who loves their partner insane. Taking a break from each other will give both of you the motivation to work on issues so that both of you can be with each other again.

It is important that you both communicate honestly about why you want to take a break.  Taking a break in love is like a little shot of adrenaline. It keeps you running for a while until it makes you collapse again. The only way to truly make things work in love is to talk to each other. Talk to each other and learn to be frank. You can be honest, as long as you are not hammering a nail into your partner’s heart with accusations. Talk about each other’s real wants and hear your partner out without cutting in between, even if they make ridiculous claims or accusations. At the end of the day, you have to remember that your partner loves you and it is only their pent up frustrations that’s finding a vent. Both of you will feel better after communicating with each other and understanding each other’s desires.

When the break is over, meet with your partner and talk about the break, talk about how it felt, what you each did or thought about. Maybe you gained some new insights about your relationship and you can work together on making it stronger. And if after coming back from the break and you still don’t get along with your partner you can extend the break or let go off the relationship.  Even though letting go is not always an easy decisions to make, but it is important that each of you respect each other’s feelings and desires.

Taking a break in a relationship may seem like the perfect thing to do when love gets tough. Go ahead and take a break, but if you are brave enough to try something better, have a truthful conversation about the issue instead.

So, have you ever taken  a break in a relationship?

By Mercy Kukah