Inspiring ways to build forgiveness in a relationship

Goodbye is not always the answer and this is true for both old and new relationships. Regardless of the mistakes and uncertainties that you are currently facing in your relationship it’s always worth it to try again as long as you know that both of you are willing to still make it work.

Yes, because there are some things that cannot easily be forgiven not only because of the hurt that they have caused but also because of how it already tainted your trust in your partner and in your relationship. If you are stuck in this cycle of constantly failing to forgive no matter how much your partner has changed this article is for you.

Here are some motivating ways you can build  forgiveness in your relationship;

-Appreciate the changes they’ve made.

In connection to the previous section, in order to  

build forgiveness in the relationship, you also have to

 do your part. Aside from giving them the chance to 

become a better person and trusting in their actions,

 you also have to appreciate the work that they put 

into these efforts.

-Make an effort to reach out: Perhaps your partner doesn’t feel like talking about the mistakes that they have done in the past that they tend to be quiet about how they truly feel. Their need to be forgiven sometimes makes them scared that they might say the wrong words again, and it might make things worse. What you can do is to assure them that your relationship is their safe place they should not stop being who they are or stop expressing their thoughts just because they’re afraid to offend their partner again, reach out to your partner and talk to them about how they feel after what happened. Make your relationship be your comfort zone and help each other heal.

-Stop reliving the pain and hurt: If you want the wound of a mistake to fully heal, you should stop touching it because what comes after healing is forgiveness, especially if it was done by someone you truly love. Stop thinking about what happened in the past and how it made you feel as long as the lessons have been learned, you should do your best to stop reliving the pain and hurt. Move on and everything will follow.

-Remind yourself why you fell in love: If all else fails, the best thing that you can do for yourself and your relationship is to remember why you are in this relationship in the first place. How did you fall in love? What are the things that you like about this person? What are the happiest memories you have together? Just remembering the happy and good things will help you find a reason to hold on and give it another try.

-Focus on new and happier memories: In connection with the previous section, you have to focus on the new and happier memories you have as a couple. Encourage each other to just be positive and ignore the negativities of the past. You are healing as a couple and regardless of whose fault it was, you both suffered their consequences. Be kind to each other and stop hurting each other. Be each other’s strength, and keep on fighting for your love no matter what.

-Pray for enlightenment and guidance: Let your faith and spiritual strength show you the way to find forgiveness in your heart. Sometimes, when you are hurting and in pain, you lose the courage to forgive someone who had caused you pain. What you can do is to pray for enlightenment and guidance, for wisdom and for healing, so that you will be able to have the strength to give your love another chance.

 BY: Stephanie E. Hemen

 

CRÈME CARAMEL

Crème caramel is a simple and easy to make dessert, which everyone will love. It doesn’t take much time and requires little ingredient that can be found in our homes, which means we don’t spend much while making this delicious dessert.

INGREDIENTS

1 CUP OF MILK

1\4 CUP OF SUGAR

BUTTER

3 EGGS

1TSP OF VANILLA EXTRACT

STEPS ON HOW TO MAKE  CRÈME CARAMEL

1. In a bowl mix 58g of sugar and 1 cup of liquid milk then mix together.

2. In a pot add 58g of sugar and 3tbs of water then cook until it turns golden brown

3. Get 4 ramekins grease them with butter, and then add your golden brown cooked sugar into each.

4. In a separate bowl break 3 eggs into it, add your vanilla extract, and your liquid milk that was mix with sugar then mix thoroughly.

5. Sieve to remove any particles or dirt.

6. Pour the milk mixture in your greased ramekins and cover each with a foil paper.

7. Arrange the well covered ramekins in an oven tray, put some hot water inside the oven tray and bake in a pre heated oven for 45min.

8. Finally your crème caramel is ready, serve immediately.

By: Firdausi Musa Dantsoho

YAKUBU DOGARA: CROWING 2019 WITH A BIRTHDAY AND A DOCTORATE DEGREE!

 Former speaker and one of the longest serving speakers of the fourth republic, Hon. Yakubu Dogara had a special year end in 2019 -- as he celebrated his birthday, and also bagged a honorary doctorate degree from Achievers University Owo, during their last 8th and 9th convocation ceremony, on the 9th of November 2019. Just at about a month after, he also celebrated his birthday on the 26th of December, 2019; even though low key, but it was a remarkable way to crown the year 2019 in solid style, as we enter 2020, which promises to be a fruitful and engaging legislative year. 

 The Vice Chancellor and the management team of the University poured encomiums on Hon. Dogara, stating that despite his busy schedule as speaker of the federal house of representatives, he was always available to share his wealth of experience with graduands of the Uni., participating in graduation ceremonies, and serving as Guest Lecturer. The VC emphasized on the fact that the University always harped on merit for honorary awards of doctorate degrees, as against sale! 

 In his acceptance speech, Hon. Dogara recalled how he had visited the University about 4 years ago, and spoke with nostalgia about how he had visited the Kabiyesi of Owo Kingdom, Oba Victor Folagbade Olateru-Olagbedi who is now late. The Kabiyesi was Dogara's lecturer when he was at Law School. He also congratulated the new Oba, his royal majesty Oba Ajibade Gbadegesin Ogunoye the third (III) who is also a lawyer! He heaped praise on the Owo citadel of learning and prophesied that Achievers University Owo, is on the verge of becoming the best university in Africa if it sustains it's current momentum in terms of their research and teaching methodologies.

 Hon. Yakubu Dogara has been featuring prominently in Bauchi state's political discourse as many youths are clamoring for the veteran four time house of representatives member to contest for senate, come 2023. Some are mounting campaign ads on social media, while some have even started printing posters. Tozali editors had written several articles titled, 'Hon  Dogara: The Last Man Standing', when he was embroiled in a tussle with the then state leadership of his former party, the APC. He decamped and still won his elections again in 2019. This means Dogara, irrespective of party affiliations, will win his elections any day anytime. Dogara was hugely involved in the actualisation of the Governorship quest of the PDP in Bauchi, which wrestled power from the APC, even though the matter is still in court. One thing is sure -- dismiss Dogara amin both local and national politics at your own peril!

By Tahir I Tahir Talban Bauchi.

 

SKILLS TO HELP MAINTAIN AND STRENGTHEN YOUR MARRIAGE

 

Friendship is one of the characteristics of a happy and lasting marriage, as well as the foundation of a healthy marriage. couples that have a great friendship have a higher percentage overall of marital satisfaction.  In fact, the emotional connection that married couples share is said to be five times more important than their physical intimacy.  Couples that are friends look forward to spending time together, and genuinely like one another. Their activities and interests actually become enhanced because they have their favorite person with whom to share their life experiences.

Building and nurturing the marital friendship can strengthen a marriage because friendship in marriage is known to build emotional and physical intimacy. Friendship helps married couples to feel safe enough to be more open with one another without worrying about being judged or feeling insecure. Nurturing and building that friendship in marriage does require practice and takes time and effort.

So, here are some marital friendship building skills and techniques to help maintain and strengthen your marriage.

Time: Spend quality time together

Communication: Talk and share about everyday life.

Trust: Be honest and loyal.

Interests: Find common interests
Have fun with one another, laugh together, make lasting memories, do and try new things together.

Goals: Set and work towards life goals with one another, dream together.

Priority: Make your spouse feel like a top priority, respect each other, treat one another equally, cheer on each other’s successes, lean on one another in times of need, appreciate your spouse, be considerate of each other, be forgiving of one another and don’t hold grudges.

Knowing your spouse well is a key element in becoming or remaining best friends with your partner. Playing “get to know you” or “self trivia” games can be a truly helpful and fun exercise. Quiz one another on details such as; name of your elementary school, your blood type, favorite song, or biggest turn on and turn off, make it fun by awarding prizes for; who does household chores, foot or back massages, or the winner gets to pick the next movie or restaurant date.

Physical intimacy may fade in a marriage, but the emotional intimacy needn’t. True friendship lasts a lifetime. If you and your spouse are having difficulties building or nurturing your friendship, a Marriage or maybe  family therapist can help.

BY STEPHANIE E. HEMEN

HOW TO END AN UNHAPPILY AFFAIR

If life ran like a storybook, the person we fall in love would not be the person who broke us. Sadly, we humans tend to be a bit more human than that. We fall in love, we commit, we get hurt – over and over – and we stay.  People need people, but sometimes the cost is a heavy one. When it’s a toxic relationship, the breakage can be far-reaching.

Love is addictive. So is the hope of love. All relationships can be likened to an addiction, but sometimes the power of this can be self-destructive. When relationships become loveless, hostile, stingy or dangerous, you would think they would be easy to leave, but they can be the hardest ones to walk away from because  a bad relationship isn’t about being on the downward slide of the usual relationship ups and downs. 

It is one that consistently steals your joy and follows you around with that undeniable  glamour that this isn’t how it’s meant to be.

Knowing when to let go:

Sometimes the signs are clear  emotional and physical abuse, constant criticism, lying, cheating, emotional starvation. Sometimes there is nothing outstandingly obvious , it just doesn’t feel right. Perhaps it did once but that ended long ago. The signs might lie in the loneliness, a gentle but constant heartache, a lack of security, connection or intimacy or the distance between you both. 

Whatever it involves, there are important needs that stay hungry, for one of both people in the relationship. The relationship exists but that’s all it does, and sometimes barely even that. It doesn’t thrive and it doesn’t nurture. It is maintained, not through love and connection, but through habit. 

Sometimes there are circumstances that make leaving difficult. While most times  there’s nothing in your way except you. Some of the signs that you might be addicted to the relationship are:

-You know it’s bad, but you stay.

- want more for yourself, but you stay.

-There are important needs in you that are so hungry for intimacy, connection, friendship, love, security, respect and you know in this relationship they’ll stay that way. But you stay. 

-You have tried ending the relationship before, but the pain of being on your own always brings you back.

What to do when leaving feels as bad as staying:

Be present:  The pull to live in the past ,the way it was, the way I was or in the future OR it will get better ,I just need to find the switch can be spectacular, but the energy to move forward exists fully in the present. It’s always there, but you have to be in the present to access it.

Keep track: Keep a record of how you feel in the relationship, the good and bad. This can help to see your experience in the relationship for what it is – stripped of the filters and the softening that comes with time. 

Be aware of what is happening in your body:: The connection between the mind and the body is a powerful one. If you shut down the messages that are coming from your mind, your body will take over. There will be signs in the way you hold yourself, the sensations in your body , the heaviness, heartache, tension and the way it works.

Leaving any relationship is difficult. Leaving a bad one isn’t necessarily any easier. The shift from powerless to empowered is a gentle one, but lies in the way you experience the relationship. It often takes as much resourcefulness, energy and strength to stay in a bad relationship as it does to leave. With a shift in mindset, experience and expectation, the resources you use to stay and to blind out the seething hopelessness of it  can at the same time be used to propel you forward.

 

BY STEPHANIE E. HEMEN

SCARVES: A FASHION STAPLE FOR YOUR HAIR

Scarves are not just clothing items they are fast becoming a fashion staple. And in the northern part of Nigeria , scarves are not just important but an item that complete ones dressing. In the hausa /fulani tradition , who are predominantly Muslims, it is somewhat compulsory for the ladies to cover their hair . This actually encouraged the development of scarves from just a piece of cloth to a fundamental fashionable item.

Gone are the days where the major purpose of wearing a scarf was just to cover your hair.

Now, they have become more versatile and easily fashionable and can be rocked on both formal and casual outfits.

They can effortlessly be paired with your corporate outfit to your place of work , to dinner dates with friends and family and or even to stay at home.

All that is required is some creativity and you’d be amazed as to how you can tie your scarf.

Tying scarves require a technique and if you can pull it off rightly, it is not only going to improve your looks  but also amazingly complement you outfits .

Popular on Instagram for their creative ways of showing us how versatile tying of scarves can be are Aisha Hassan (aishcream1) and Yasmine (___enimsay). These  two beautiful ladies shows us  different ways to  tie scarfs that would make one look chic and classy.

Check out some tips for a successful and fashionable scarf styles:

1.     Make sure to use a long and wide scarf in order to be able to achieve the style you want,  and for maximum satisfying looks
 
2.     Make sure to use a befitting color that complement your outfit so  that  you don’t end up committing  a fashion blunder that would mess up your efforts.

3.  Consider the shape of your face while choosing your scarves style. This would actually help you determine which style really  will fit  your face. 

4. If you are rocking a cooperate outfit with patterns make sure to pick a plane colour for your scarf and not the other way round.

5. Do a style bank: Whenever you are tying a new style of scarves , do a video of yourself and keep it . This can serve as a reminder of the technique used and also , if you make the video public , others can learn from it.

BY MAIMUNA BAGUDU

THE BEAUTIFUL WEDDING OF ZAINAB AHMED SAFANA AND LT.COL. ABUBAKAR SANI SALEH

  

Every girl dreams to have a fairytale wedding someday. The wedding ceremony of Zainab Ahmed Safana, turned out to be the fairytale wedding of her dreams. 

Different ceremonies were lined up with series of memorable events that thrilled the guests.  The event kick-started with a beautiful and classy Kamu followed by Daurin Aure and was finally crowned with a classic reception. 

The beautiful bride was taken to the Groom’s family house in Kaduna  where the Groom’s family, relatives and well-wishers were there to welcome the bride.

  Throughout the whole event, the bride kept her glow, looking elegant and classy in her different attires. The groom was not left out as he too was looking dashingly handsome all through the event.

As usual, Tozali crew was there to capture the beautiful highlights of the events from start to finish. Scroll through and have a wonderful time. Enjoy!!!

KAMU EVENT

FATIHA

DINNER

KADUNA EVENT

BY MAIMUNA BAGUDU