Being an anxious lover

If you are an anxious lover who has trouble
expressing your needs, working to be direct and openly express yourself will not be easy, but it’s necessary to create the relationship you want as it’s been said “if we don’t value our needs, others may not either.”

To achieve lasting love you have to tune into
your deepest needs and longings, and be able to honestly communicate them with your partner in a non-attacking and non-demanding way.

Anxious lovers often make demands of their
partners or use ultimatums to control them.

This kind of behavior gives our partner two
options: to rebel or surrender.

As a result, the relationship fills with
resentment rather than your partner willingly
meeting your needs. Learning how to express
yourself in a healthy and honest way is vital to changing the toxic dynamics in your relationship.Our attachment needs and fears are hidden agendas that dictate our behavior but rarely are they truly acknowledged. By intentionally acknowledging our needs, we can actively shape the love in our relationship that we so badly need.

By being an avoidant lover
If you are an avoidant lover, opening up and
being responsive to a needy partner feels like you are being consumed in a tsunami. One of the powerful shifts you can do as a romantic partner is to recognize the primal code of attachment your partner needs instead of dismissing it. Avoidant lovers tend to have a belief that independence is the key to a healthy relationship. This is false, Interdependence is by giving your partner reassurance and taking your space, you can soothe your partner’s insecurity and actually find yourself wanting to spend more time with them.

Avoidant tend to fall in love with anxious
lovers who desperately need reassurance, and
by giving them reassurance that you love them
and want to connect, the less demands or
pressure they’ll put on you to do so. That’ll give you the freedom you desperately desire in your relationship.

Additionally, emotionally distant partners will tell me, “I do all kinds of things to show I care. I fix the house, make a good salary, and solve our problems. Why is it she only complains that we don’t cuddle or talk about things?” Probably because her complaint is telling you what she really needs to feel loved by you.

BY SHAMSIYA BARA'U AHMED