Now let's talk about rebound relationships after divorce. Some say to jump right in and that a rebound is something "everyone should experience." While others tell horror stories of rebounds that failed to meet their expectations. Your experience really depends upon which side of the rebound you are on: Are you the rebounder, or the person who the rebounder fancies? If it's the latter, be careful.
Dating someone who's on the rebound could end in heartbreak, once their need for a distraction is met.
Below are things to consider before hopping into a rebound relationship after divorce:
What is a Rebound Relationship? A rebound is a courtship that occurs shortly after the breakup of a significant relationship or marriage. The act of moving quickly from a long-lasting partnership into another coins the term "rebound." In some instances, a rebound relationship can even start before a breakup if the couple has distanced themselves emotionally from each other.
Rebounds Serve a Purpose; Some consider a rebound relationship a distraction. Forming a connection to another person keeps you from experiencing the full extent of the emotional pain associated with your divorce. As a misguided attempt to move on with your life, you may jump back into the dating scene for fear of being alone. Its human nature, but it's also a quick fix—one that will dull the pain of a broken heart with the emotional intensity of a new love.
Swapping One Problem for Another; Don’t expect your new partner to make up for your ex-husband's shortcomings. Maybe you experienced infidelity or abuse, so you look to your new man to alleviate the pain from your marriage (a.k.a. "the knight in shining armor syndrome”). But more than likely, all you will do is exchange one set of problems for another. Instead, figure out what you want in a relationship before jumping into another one full bore.
Too Fast, Too Soon ; The desire to find a committed, fulfilling relationship sometimes causes women to leap into a rebound full speed ahead. Maybe you spent years in a bad relationship. Or you're itching to make up for lost time. While the sense of urgency and a desire to "get it right" are great motivators, you need to first make sure that not what's leading you to a potentially hasty move.
Masking Your Pain; This is the biggest problem in a rebound relationship and usually results in someone being "used" and, subsequently, getting hurt. If you jump into another commitment to distract yourself from the pain of your divorce, your new boyfriend is destined for heartbreak. Once he has served his purpose, you will more than likely move on, leaving him to pick up the pieces. Be upfront and honest with your new partner, if you really are just looking for a distraction.
Breakups Lead to Self-Development; Healing the pain of a broken heart will help you become a better version of yourself—one who can empathize with another's pain. And while emotional pain won’t kill you, it sure may feel like it will at the time.
So do yourself the favor of taking time for self-care and healing before moving into a new partnership. The clearer your vision, the more likely you'll meet the love of your life.
Being the Reboundee; Now if you find yourself on the flip-side of the coin—dating a man who was recently divorced—proceed with caution. Don’t allow your new man to set the pace. Because if you do, it may lead to heartbreak. And really, a rebound relationship isn't the best bet if you're looking for real commitment. Still—if you find yourself in one, let it develop slowly and make sure to guard yourself emotionally.
BY STEPHANIE ERDOO HEMEN
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