Where you once believed every excuse someone told you, every lie, every reason plans had to change or something couldn’t work out, now you look at someone who tells you every reason it can. When it’s the real thing you aren’t paranoid or thinking too much about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. Almost relationships tend to thrive on your self doubt. They make you think it’s you that’s done something wrong. It’s you who messed up. But when it’s the right relationship all the person cares about is making you feel sure of them.
Where you once thought it was your job to convince someone to fall for you as you overcompensated and tried every which way to get their attention this person teaches you it’s about who meets you halfway. Relationships are all about the chase and making sure you get close but never close enough. Meanwhile this new person pulls you in and holds you tight saying something so simple like, ‘I’m happy here.’
While these two relationships are almost completely opposite, and you can’t even compare them but you still manage to. Good relationships are the ones that feel like it doesn’t fit but in actuality it’s everything you deserve.
You deserve someone who is sure of you.
You deserve someone who answers.
You deserve someone who shows the fuck up.
You deserve someone who wants you as much as you wanted someone else.
And I know what it’s like to doubt them, I know what it’s like to be afraid, I know what it’s like to be comfortable alone you fear letting anyone in.
When you choose an almost relationship you aren’t just choosing someone you are pinning after, you’re choosing an ending you know, an ending you’re comfortable with, Wishful thinking and mixed signals make you want something to be there that isn’t. In your heart you know regardless of how much you try you can’t convince someone to care and be what you need.
BY STEPHANIE E. HEMEN
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